DoaD #9 - Have I done enough?
Episode Nine of Diary of a Daoist.
Today has been about noticing within myself a rampant need to work and my go-to in any situation is to think about work. It is where I draw my value from in the world and that's where I feel I can be of service to the world through the work that I can put in.
Within myself, I'd love to work towards becoming more like a gardener with my work. Understanding the rhythms of planting seeds. Watering them and then leaving them be. Not over watering. Not moving the roots to a different soil. Not constantly checking on how it's doing. Leaving it to be touched by the elements and then learning to let go and leave it up to life and lean more into love. I’ve been closing my Heart recently and opening my mind, a bit too much, and I've lost the balance between heart-mind.
I chose not to go climbing today even though I love climbing because I'd agreed to go see The Matrix with the love of my life and I wanted time to chill and make my food in no rush. But here I am walking quicker than I'd like to be to get to the cinema because I got swept away in my obsessive work cycle of… ‘going through the things I feel like I need to be doing because I think in my head I haven't done enough work today’. When that's only an arbitrary amount in my head that I've stabbed myself to thinking I need to do a certain amount of work to feel like I've hit my purpose for the day.
[bird tweeting interlude]
Wow, Kingston is beautiful I love this place.
[breathing interlude]
I almost gave up on love today. I almost chose work over love, that is crazy. I didn’t reallyyy but there is a part of me that is terrified of losing control of my work and what helps me feel of use to the world. I almost chose to go for that because it's easy and I can control it. It’s a fine balance in this game of love and work. Play and Practice. That’s a fine line. Today I choose love because ultimately that is what's helped The World stop spinning for a few moments. Giving me a sense of peace amidst this chaos that has been this life.
I love the chaos don't get me wrong, I keep the ball rolling.
But love has to win…
Love
Peace
