DoaD #8 - Riding the Rapids
This is episode Build and Destroy of Dairy of a Daoist or number Eight.
Today was definitely a day of building and destroying. Building to new heights, in terms of coaching and getting the chance to test out what it's like to fully lead a session and be the authority to these kids. Also, while helping them develop playfully and helping them to maintain focus especially with it being another coach that isn't normally there. Seeing how the kids completely changed their behaviour, was fascinating. It was terrifying and exciting. All of my Daoist training of spontaneity had to come into action to come up with a lesson plan and think on the spot completely. Working with each moment that comes, with kids breaking out into tears because they feel like they're being singled out. It’s fascinating seeing how kids operate and seeing more and more how these young kids are given no chance to maintain their attention. Everything is pulling their intention to focus in every direction. I was the same. Damn, it’s rough for them.
I’ve been very manic with my working habits and unnecessarily holding myself to these expectations of giving myself what I need to do. Yeah, I’m recognising now I really need to work on cutting myself some slack. I've built myself to a point where I'm around these great minds that are 10 years ahead in life and I'm trying to match myself to these guys and have it all figured out. I'm fucking 23 I don't know shit and I love that but I'm still trying my hardest to understand this life, my past life, my past life from this life, so much is going on. I do not cut myself enough slack. I hold myself to such a high degree that I expect the best at everything that I've put myself into and expect the best out of it. Always hold myself to a higher degree than everyone around me. This is how I’ve pushed myself, it’s how I’ve grown.
Although, it doesn't quite have an off switch at the moment.
It's never really had an off switch. It's just had a dialling down of the frequency and intensity that tends to get naturally dialled up when things are going on in life that I can't control. I've been feeling myself get pulled away from the sound of this... The sound of the river, the sound of the trees, the wind, the bees.
[oxygen interlude]
It’s okay, that comes with the balance, that comes with the flow of life. Sometimes I'm going to be in the rapids. Sometimes I’m out on a little creek dribbling down a little path slowly turning the corners. But right now I'm being put in a position to grow to new heights because of what's changing and I gotta go with it and see where it goes not trying to fight these currents too much. Damn, Bruce Lee really was spittin facts; “water can flow or it can crash”
It's okay if it's crashing. [sings] Does that always come….the flowwwww
Yeah, water can flow and crash simple as that. I'm gonna give it a short one today, because I’m fucking spent.
So peace and goodnight
