DoaD #3 - Feeling the Emptiness
Okay, this is episode three of Diary of a Daoist.
I’m walking and talking on my way back from parkour coaching some kids. Today's been a weird one. I was setting up my exhibition spot for my uni show with all my work, first came in I dropped all my stuff in there, I didn't really think much about it, this mindset of trying to get in, get out of there. Because I haven't really been fucking with that place a bit too much. Chatting with Marcus helped me to see the wider context, the experience that you're bringing people into in this space, and how it's not just a submission for your work at this point. It's an experience that you're trying to invite people into and engage them with little bits of ephemera, and little objects that go along with the whole context. Not so much that they act as content. Like I was trying to do with having a well for people to drop their suggestions and tell me their opinions on flow. But that’s not really what that project is about. That project has had a closing of the circle. And it's now just about creating a context around that project that allows it to speak for itself without me having to be there to explain it. Yeah, it was cool.
I went back home. Grab some little things, some film photos from the process of interviewing these people. And then little objects and tools I use to make the book and the bone tool. And the little stabby pokey thing to make the zines. Thread and other stuff, its cool.
It made me see how you can present stuff you make a lot more. Made me think about what Virgil said; you could have a beaten-up pencil pot in the bottom corner next to a bin of a school and someone would boot it across the playground because its a bit of trash. But you put that beaten-up pencil pot on a crisp white pedestal in the middle of a four-white wall gallery. Suddenly, it's a work of art and people are lining up to see it. Yeah, it got me to think about that a bit more.
How can you design the space around the project that you've made so that the essence within the project can speak from what's around it?
At first, I laid it out where I curved [the zines] inwards towards the audience not giving space within it and leaving this emptiness at the back that isn't being used as emptiness. Then, when I opened up the curve to be more… you are, as you're stepping in, becoming part of that circle and that emptiness. It is now very much present in a lot of my work because of understanding a bit more about Daoism and allowing that space to give people's imagination the borders to run wild in a way. Creating the boundaries around this empty void in the middle then becomes an object in itself. It was pretty cool. First laying out all my stuff and it being way too busy and slowly refining it and simplifying it leaving a bit more breathing room and gaps in between the different stuff.
[eating some nuts] I’m just eating some nuts so imma allow myself to munch on ma nuts… woah pause.
Also with this structure that I've given myself, Wednesday's are Mercury's day. For me, that involves writing. A lot of my energies are more keenly tuned towards writing this novel I’m writing. But there's also another rhythm that seems to be going on inside me. As Joseph Campbell would say; I haven't quite got that spark to follow that bliss again. And I'm now very in tune with this intuition that can feel when the right moment is to start writing, the same spark that got me to even start writing this story in the first place. It's been flowing but now it's been ebbing away a little bit. I need to allow the story the breathing room to grow in itself and grow inside me and work out what's gonna happen next and that is probably why I'm not writing it right now because I'm trying to work out when instead it should just be a complete effortless experience.
I found myself wanting to make the whole process of it speed up. But forgetting that I love the feeling of handwriting this whole thing. And using a big notepad, I can carry in my bag with a pencil I can scribble into it and the whole process takes so much longer. I could do it quicker. But then it would lose the essence of the actual writing that would come out.
It’s interesting man, my own process is continually teaching me and it's really taught me today because I've given myself this new beautiful project of speaking my mind to the ether to the random astronauts that are on the other end of this. But in my usual ways, the vision always goes very far. I try and do everything all at once and then when I reach the end of the day, I'm fucking exhausted and I wonder why. So I had in my head this constant feeling that I had to do the writing for this novel because today is the day to do that, but the energies just weren’t right.
The energies just weren’t right.
So instead of in my old ways, just power through! I have this mental desire to get this done! I'm gonna listen to my Daoist gut or heart or whatever the word is. And I'm gonna take a step back and rest and enter the cave and wait for a sign to follow and I'm not seeing one right now, and that's okay. That means it's clearly a sign to chill…. the fuck…. out.
So maybe that's a good place to end this one today. As a reminder today to……. ooo actually yeah, that's what……
I was carrying so much shit in my bag today. I did not need to use my laptop but I had my laptop in my bag because I thought that I may do some novel writing later on. So I was like, Okay, fine. This is all going on in my head in the morning without me even realizing it before I leave the house. It's quite a lot. I preempted what I wanted to do the rest of the day. I hadn’t even set a specific plan, it's loose in my head, especially because I was setting up the exhibition and not realizing that was just my focus for the day and I could have just chilled. But still had this expectation to do some novel writing so I was carrying around this heavy laptop in my bag and all this stuff and all the little things for the exhibition and then wanting to go straight to work after there. Then I got all caught up in my head working on these new ideas I've got, trying to rush to get things done because I've given myself these new projects for some reason. I've already got enough on my plate and I love to start something new right when I'm in sight of the finish line of another one for whatever reason.
I caught on to what I was doing… allowed myself to lighten the load took some stuff out of the bag, keep my little notebook just in case I was going to do some writing. Now this bag sits lovely and light on my left shoulder and I'm not feeling any of the strain I was feeling in the morning.
Today was a lesson in ‘feeling the emptiness’, feeling the need for rest, for creating that space in many different ways. In my mind, in my bag, in my exhibition space. Clearly in need of some good old emptying of the mind which I don't even know if that's a conscious thing you can do. I think you just try and consciously not jump on the bandwagon of manically working and doing shit.
It does always come back to the Daoist way of seeing life for whatever reason my heart is drawn to it, it greatly helped me settle down these Western habits I’ve picked up. Building a structure that only involves work and continually working. Needing that structure so much that I struggle to adapt to it.
How do you find the balance between putting your cage around an explosive sun and not putting out that sun at the same time with too much earthly structure?
I don’t know, it’s a fine balance. Today I realized if I allow that space… a bit of emptiness to cool down that flame…. a bit of air … I’ll be good. I’m still walking. I still got ten toes. Still eating my cashews. Thriving.
That was day three …. all about emptiness.
Peace.
