DoaD #25 - The Fire Trials
We are Episode a-quarter-of-the-way-to-100%.
How do I describe today?
Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.
Woke up sluggish as fuck for work, it was extra hard to peel myself out of my bed this morning. I was especially in my head on the train, and very critical of myself. Then, I get to work. Not even work, then I get to play. And poof
gone
Second I can be of service or coaching kids and playing, all gone. I was completely present in that whole time. The borboletas brancas, the white butterflies coming through whilst I'm coaching, it's crazy. Then I saw the Marcus Garvey Park right next to where I'm coaching. I've never clocked it the whole time I've been there, but checked on maps for some reason, and looked at the sign outside through the gates of the school playground. It's Marcus Garvey just chilling in the park, kind of. That was fucking cool. Saw some beautiful murals and paintings and wandered through. Then, walked to the Psychic Society or Society of Psychic Research. Very weirdly heavily guarded, was gonna see if I could get in, for fun. But nope. Then walked to Hammersmith, I bought a couple of books from Amnesty that were cool. The astrology book was cool. The ginseng book from 1908 that was fucking cool.
Probably a bit of impulsive buying, then I spent a stupid amount of money that I don’t have on a veggie breakfast in a lovely little cafe where I was doing some planning for the Foucan Festival. Then got very overwhelmed and stressed because I thought I had to do it all myself and I wasn't communicating with the people I was meant to be doing it with. A lovely little Josh trap, I caught myself in. This one luckily only lasted a day. But then poof
That journey home was rough. I don't know why, but the fact that during the day all blissful, I was only seeing white butterflies and then,
[drops phone]
when I'm in the fucking deepest part of the fire trial, I see a Black Butterfly skate past me and hover in front of me.
Yeah, just does make sense.
Fell asleep on the bus. I was exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually in every way possible. Slowly, slowly wandered my way back. Walked off the main road coming into Kingston and went towards Canberry Gardens. Slowly going that way, checking out my new film that got developed. I love how much I'm taking photos, just beautiful. Everything's growing. The photographer's eye is coming back or is back. It was always there it just needed the practice to grow.
Then I was wandering along the river, and saw Bhavi, having a little ciggie and a pint, sorting out his stuff for a holiday. “Yo, can I pull up a chair? Let's chat.” Get chatting. A coupla ciggies. Couple of beautiful sunshine moments, chatting about glorious reality. On the same wave, not having to explain, dropping in little bits here and there. He helped me get some clarity and perspective on my current currents.
Then wandered back chatting about the book he was reading about Absurdism. We got back to theirs, and I’m chatting with James, and seeing that he also loves a little research rabbit hole. Felt so welcomed and accepted by these beautiful, beautiful people I've started to meet and get to know, it's a blessing. Something took my hand and pulled me off that main road and pulled me towards Canberry Gardens to line me up with seeing Bhavi to then chat with those guys because that filled my heart with so much love and Pure Light.
Then, I find myself walking home, free.
Back with the wind and the trees.
Get back home just chilling. Remembering that I've got a dance performance tomorrow. In the next episode, I will be talking about how that went and how that felt. Right now, weirdly, there's no fear to do with it, because I'm not going to be doing anything really different to what I normally do. I am dancing and moving on my ones. Difference is there'll be people there, getting to watch what I normally do. It's a beautiful chance for me to practice that water. I'm seeing the beauty of all these different things I'm interested in and the start of life I was given, being born in Brazil has given me an admiration of that country's history and roots, and Capoeira being a massive part of that, that playing a massive part in my language of expression. Being allowed to combine that with my adoration of China and màn zǒu (慢走) slowing down and Tai Chi, bringing it all together and not having to have it so structured, square and bordered.
This is this. This is that.
I'm simply an amalgamation of all these different things I love. Tomorrow I have the luxury of being able to share that love through complete free play. When I was practising just then, especially having to move extra quietly because there's someone below now, helped me to refine and reserve the way of movement. Not thinking it has to be so “fire” and explosive, and understanding that I have the freedom within this cipher tomorrow to express my conscious and subconscious ideas through dance and form and movement.
That's is
just
magical.
What! What a life I've been given to live so far.
Today was a shit, it wasn't a shit day, but mentally I was fucking going through it. I went through the fucking fire today. The mental trials were, pffff, yeah rough, but the night balanced it out. That's all I'm trying to do, is bring that balance and harmony. So I guess thank you for that balance.
Yeah,
sleeptime,
peace.
