DoaD #11 - Self-Study
Good afternoon.
This is episode 11 of Diary of a Daoist.
Today's theme is very much about study, study, study of things, study of myself, studying language, and Portuguese. I started the day practising some Portuguese with my dad. He is fluent in Portuguese. He was teaching me Portuguese, the Brazilian kind, yeah it was cool. There's been so much fear around me studying Portuguese. I think it’s impostor syndrome, not wanting to get things wrong and not being able to communicate. That's what it is.
Today, Thursday is Jupiter's day. For me, Jupiter is in Gemini, and it's all about being able to communicate and being able to communicate what is going on in my mind. [Jupiter governs the unfolding of gifts] so being able to receive that through speaking, and communicating.
There's been a lot of fear around me learning this language because it brings me back to square one of not being able to communicate, and that terrifies me. I've been on a long journey of learning how to communicate what's inside. Sometimes successful, sometimes not. Sometimes it is because this one inside me is very, very out there in terms of what it’s studied, and studied within myself and learnt about myself and how deeply sensitive and emotional I am. I cannot communicate what I am feeling very well. But I also can, because I'm doing beautifully right now.
Today was a day of studying language. Woke up late. Some crazy energies are going on in the cosmos right now and also my diet has been all over the place. My body is struggling to digest food late at night. I'm feeling sluggish when I wake up and I need a bit more sleep time to break down that food. It's also been about studying myself in that [diet] and within my body. Knowing what's going on there.
Also found a random printer on the street the other week, that's fucking epic. Someone giving away a printer, you ask and you shall receive. I finally got the cable for that. So I wanted to do a little test print before I went out climbing. For whatever reason, my mind goes straight to this Moorish website, I've learned about stuff from, ‘RV Bey Publications’. Some stuff on there is not for every eye and every mind, but it will all be understood in due time. But my mind went to that. I guess, the energy in my mind on this day of study is drawn towards wanting to study and printed out a little something that I could carry around with me and read.
Cool Day didn't do much, was publishing more from my archive of writings, sitting dormant in a Google Doc, to the online journal. Something that’s always been there but has been waiting for me to actualize. Yeah so fun going through these cycles. From publishing on these platforms called The Dots and getting recognition from that. Getting in a real flow with that and feeling that I'm able to communicate my ideas, and people getting on with that. Then I stopped because I thought I had to turn it into a book. So I go radio silent online. Also because I was going through a little transformation of identity.
So whilst that's happened, I’ve come back through the cycle and I'm back again to feeling comfortable with publishing online. I guess also, studying myself and realizing that the writings I was posting before were very different, because of what I was studying. My level of study and where I was on this journey within, into these deeper mystical things that I didn't quite understand before. I was in a state of writing where I was regurgitating what these other surface-level philosophers or so-called spiritual gurus were posting online and I was copying and pasting, not literally, but in my mind I had these things remembered. You know, the classic stuff, a little spiritual HOOHAH. I mean, I still do a bit of it now, but who doesn't love
“to be present, you have to go with the flow”
and all of that stuff, all that good stuff.
It was helpful for my mind, back then to help take me to this point. I took some time away because I was evolving and learning. I needed time in a chrysalis to come forth in the way that it is now. Looking back and studying myself, how I can communicate my view of the world through this microphone. It's changed just from 10 episodes ago. The first one in my bed at 2 am, couldn't sleep, in desperate need to communicate anything. I felt like I didn't have an outlet for it.
Now here we are. I'm sure if you've listened to the other ones, you can hear the difference. The shaky nervous voice that comes through not being able to properly articulate and form the thoughts I was thinking into words that flow naturally. Like they are now. That in itself will ebb and flow, I'm sure in a few days, when I'm going through some shit and I'm struggling to communicate, the same will happen. Yeah. That was a great climbing session. Now off to Franco Manca for some lovely sourdough pizza.
Just stood at a bus stop.
It's raining.
It's beautiful.
And the bus is here.
Perfect,
perfect,
divine timing.
Peace
